Only Women Bleed

Long ago, I remember feeling like I wanted to reach inside of me and pull my own uterus out during my periods.  Since having it surgically removed ten years ago (a much safer choice) there has not been a day that has gone by since that I have missed it.  I hear some women mourn the loss of their "womanhood" when they have a hysterectomy.  Hogwash!  I cannot expound the virtues of getting rid of your uterus once you are done having children and still feeling every inch a woman.  If I had it to do over again, the minute my last son was born, I would have the thing removed and would have been a much happier person.  The fact that women bleed once a month is proof positive to me that God is a man because a benevolent, loving, female god would never do that to another female.

At the behest of my grandson, Marc, I decided it was time to continue on my quest for freedom through writing about the pathetic life I lead.  Those who know me and my deepest, darkest secrets, know that I am not serious when I say I have a pathetic life.  I have a tendency to over-dramatize for effect and it usually works for me.  I like being entertained by other human beings and most of the specimens I come in contact with are easily manipulated into providing an excellent show for me.  Enough of that.  Today is a beautiful day in Springfield, OR.  I am about to leave the house in search of fun.  I am not sure what I will do exactly, but I know one of my stops will be by the Willamette River where the geese hang out.  It's a great place, has park benches, a lot of geese and ducks, a few people, dogs who chase sticks that are thrown by their masters, and beautiful trees and grass.  I am going to take my crocheting with me and finish a shawl that I am making while I sit and enjoy the fresh air, flora, fauna, and animal antics from both human and animal species.  I know, human beings are animals, too.  From there, I do not know where my feet and vehicle will take me.  I have a new job.  It has me on my feet most of the day and, to say the least, is going to be the death of me.  I found a clinic in town that I thought would be able to give me medical care, but I was turned away because I was Native American and able to get care at an Indian clinic.  Here is the deal on that: If I go to a native clinic, the shortest drive is to Salem and that is 1.5 hours from Springfield.  The reason I chose a "free" clinic is because I cannot afford to drive anywhere because I am very low income.  When I got turned down this morning for being Native American, I had to laugh and cry at the same time.  Here I am, doing all I can to improve my situation in many different ways, going to school, working at the expense of my health so that I can make more money than I get living on unemployment benefits, and when I try to get help from a low-income clinic, I am penalized because I'm Native American?  I have always been proud of my native heritage and thankful for the benefits it has provided in the past.  Today, I felt discriminated against because of my native blood.  Had I not said anything about being native, I would have been able to see a doctor.  One of the things that ran through my mind is, "What if I did not have a car to drive to a native clinic?  Would I still have been turned down?"  I do not understand this world sometimes.  I have worked hard my whole life and now that I need help, I cannot get it.  Bums get health care, shelter, food, and clothing, all for free,  because they are homeless.  And I get nothing because I am trying?  Time to end this post before I start crying and ruin the rest of this day.  Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!